so explain again why im purple
no
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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