A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
