used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
