If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
