Swine flu. Run for my life!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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