It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
