Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
