i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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