ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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