well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
