okay pat passed out under dana's car
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
