I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
