I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
