I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
