you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
