i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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