3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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