I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
