I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
