So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
