was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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