So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
