i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
