the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
