I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
