We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
