shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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