I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
