I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
