Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
