And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
