Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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