I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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