Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
