I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
