Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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