that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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