Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
