I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
