I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
