there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
