I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
