Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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