Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
