I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
