Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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