You can't motorboat a personality
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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