I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
