he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
