I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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