oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
