I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
