you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
