Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
