Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
